Dec, 2, 2009
Baby Mama Drama
My daughter is now 17 months old and, as of last Wednesday, I finally took my post baby fitness pictures. I had put it off, well as you can tell, for 17 months and finally I gave myself 4 weeks to get into at least decent “skimpy workout clothing” shape. In contemplating when I would commit to a picture date, several times I set a date in my head only to conveniently forget about it or find some excuse why that day would not work. Subconsciously, I was nervous about my efforts not being good enough to compare to my previous fitness pictures. I had a baby! My once tight perfect abs were stretched, unfortunately, wrecked by stretchmarks! My most prized asset was seemingly ruined.
At 24 weeks pregnant, having only gained 30lbs my entire pregnancy, I began to develop stretch marks. I cried for weeks upon weeks each time I saw a sexy sixpack on the Tv while my poor husband looked at me like I was insane. From there on, as a mother and a fitness expert, I struggled with my self image. I thought that journey was over. Was it not enough that I had struggled with my body since elementary school? “Oh well”, I thought, “it’s worth a shot.” The worst that could happen was that I would hate the pictures, but the simple solution to that problem would be that I would have to show them to no one unless I desired so. After finally deciding to commit, I had the support of my fellow trainers,Tracey and Kim, and even Harold decided he would take his first fitness pics, to train along with me. The support system was set in place.
The next dilemma was how do I want to “lean out”? My past experience as a figure competitor was dieting super clean, hard core for 12-14 weeks, 6 days of lifting, 6-7 days of cardio at 1-2 hrs per day, and the last 6 weeks being low carb, low fat….just low everything. I was not a mom or a business owner at that time. Competing was my life. Even my poor husband came second. I knew there was no way I could do that kind of extreme training right at this time. So, I decided I was gonna just go with the flow. I continued my running that had already been in place since Sabella was 6 months old. Trained and completed an ultra-half marathon while eating clean through the week and enjoying my typical splurges on the weekend (Pizza Friday, Brownie Saturday, Pancake Sunday). I lifted weights anywhere from 3 – 5 times a week, averaging 3 more often. I felt like I could have done more.
The final 2 weeks, I cut carbs at night, drank plenty of water, got my runs in for the week. I focused on 5k’s which was a nice distraction. During this time, I hit some of my fastest times placing 16 out of 400 women in the Fall Classic and even 1st female finisher in a local 5k. I wasn’t truly nervous until the final week, or the last 3 days. I dropped carbs the last 2 days, ran an 8 miler two days before, got a yucky spray tan (which helped my severly pale skin immensely) and prayed that what I saw in the mirror would mimic itself in the camera. As nervous as I was, when I looked in the mirror, I was pretty pleased. At this point, the stretch marks are here to stay, but I was able to look at the bigger picture and be content.
Day of the pictures arrived. Joy! We got to eat a cookie with no water to wash it down (trying to fill out the muscles after carb depletion). Then, we did our pre-picture pump up workout and headed on our way to downtown Covington. Steve Randon is a talented photographer. I left feeling confident and knowing we got some amazing shots. Waiting to see the final result was the truly grueling part. A few days later, the pictures were posted. I have to say, my initial response was pleasing. The pictures were as beautiful and professional as I had expected. I looked through picture after picture with appreciation of the first few shots. Slowly as I picked through shot after shot, I did the “girl” thing and started picking myself apart. I started comparing myself to my competition pictures, to other female competitors, and suddenly I was disappointed with myself. “Why didn’t I diet harder! Why didn’t I train harder! My abs should be more ripped than that!” I wanted so bad to impress myself and others, but my inital response was surely fading into dismay.
I felt like I had split personalities. Part of me said, “You look incredible for having a baby, NO…even for not having a baby!” then part of me said, “Uh, look at your abs after the Colorado show…man!”. It took one of my most beloved clients words prior to the shoot to bring me back to reality. She said, “Get over it. You’re real. This is you.” She was so right. What I did may have not been “show ready”, but it was most importantly something that anyone can do. My training leading up to the pictures could have fit into any mom’s or dad’s schedule. Afterall, that is who I am now, a mother. The majority of my time was not spent dying on the cardio machines or under the barbell, but rather holding my beautiful baby girl in my arms. So, when I do reveal my new “momma fitness pics” I will do so with pride and representing all those parents out there that thought reclaiming their health and their bodies was impossible. Cheers!
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